What people don't say to young people

     My older daughter met a boy in college whom I think she will marry.  I thought that the first time I met him.  They had been "seeing each other" a while by then.  We'll see what happens.  They're still in school, and a lot will depend on who gets what job where.

     Anyway, if they do get married - or live together - I am resolved to share with them some actual wisdom, or what seems like it, about that part of your life where you are starting to build an actual home with someone.  

     Okay, so maybe it isn't wisdom.  Maybe it is just how you felt at the time, or at some of that time, which might be helpful to share.

     You wake up some days with feelings of anguish and despair and fatigue.  Relentless pressure.  You realize you have been clenching your teeth.

     You are overwhelmed by looking for a place to live.  You are not poor, but are frightened to death of spending all your money.  

     You waste your time at work, but still are bitter at someone else for having to work on Sunday morning.  The work you have to do feels like shoveling coal.  

     You say your apartment is like a pig-sty and you mean it.

     Your partner feels the way you do.  When that happens, even though you love them, you can end up barking at each other like stupid, lunging dogs.

     Take a deep breath.  Go for a brisk walk in the sunshine and the cold air.  Stop at the store and buy something to cook, so that you can nourish yourselves and do something creative, even if you will eat it much quicker than it took to do and then have to clean up after yourself.  

     Resolve to hug the person you are living this life with when they come home, even if you don't feel like getting up from the couch. 

     At least do that, and the rest will sort itself out.